Hold Your Anchors! The Floating McDonald’s is Coming Back to St. Louis!

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE (and your amusement): 

Prepare to have your tastebuds and nautical sensibilities rocked, St. Louis! Riverboats at the Gateway Arch is thrilled to announce the triumphant return of a beloved culinary icon of the 80s and 90s: the McDonald’s floating restaurant!  

After years of meticulous planning (and a few questionable late-night brainstorming sessions involving McNuggets and river charts), we’re converting our beloved Tom Sawyer riverboat into a glorious, golden-arched beacon of burger brilliance. We’re calling it – McBarge 2.0! 

Mark your calendars for the grand re-opening this spring! (Exact date TBD. Depends on when we can get the McFlurry machine to float properly)

Imagine: cruising down the mighty Mississippi, Big Mac in hand, as the Gateway Arch glitters in the background. We’re talking 24/7 drive-thru (or, rather, float-thru) service, a McNugget dipping station with panoramic river views, and a dedicated “Fry-way” lane for barge captains and crew who are craving that salty goodness. 

But wait, there’s more! We’re installing a state-of-the-art “McRib Current” – a gentle, sauce-infused whirlpool that will gently rotate diners for optimal river viewing and rib consumption. And for the truly adventurous, we’re introducing the “Supersize Sundae Slide,” a multi-story waterslide that deposits you directly into a giant, edible sundae. 

“This is a game-changer,” says Captain Ronald “Big Mac” McDonaldson (yes, that’s his real name, and yes, it’s a glorious coincidence). “We’re bringing the golden arches to the river in a way you’ve never seen before. Prepare for a culinary voyage that will redefine ‘fast food’ as you know it.” 

We promise we love the Tom Sawyer as it is, and we will not be turning it into a floating McDonald’s. But we will continue to offer fantastic riverboat cruises with stunning views of the Gateway Arch and the city skyline. Plan your adventure on a daily sightseeing cruise, Skyline Dinner Cruise, Sunday Brunch Cruise, Blues Cruise or any of our other special offerings.  

And we will keep dreaming of the McRib Current.